Finally here

YAY! I made it to Manila, safe and sound. It was a little crazy, the journey. Imagine 14 hours in a cramped seat on a plane where you can't fall asleep except for maybe 1:30 hrs. total. You have your own little television on the back of the headrest in front of you that shows tons of different movies and shows which I ended up watching for most of the time, trying desperately to fall asleep. I did get to watch an episode of CSI I've never seen before, so if you understand my love for CSI, you understand that regardless of the rest of the flight, it was amazing.

So we got to Manila and met Becca our site coordinator. We waited around for awhile, trying to find the other driver; well, waiting for him to "find" us. When we never found him, we piled 8 people and ALL of our luggage (about three bags each) into a mini-van and drove to our house in the city. The house is quite small by our standards. Becca has assured us, however, that eventually we will come to see it as quite comfortable. Really, there is space only for what is essential: a small kitchen, three bedrooms (very small) and two CRs, or comfort rooms, which is what they call the bathroom. I'm living in a room with five other girls, sleeping in bunkbeds and having very little space to put anything. But again I say, before anyone thinks I'm complaining, that it is ENOUGH. There isn't any excess space that really isn't needed. We even share the space with some terrifying bugs. The first five minutes we were there I noticed a cockroach on the wall. Apparently they bite and some fly. I'm terrified. Oh, and then apparently I spent the night with a GIGANTIC spider next to my bed. Thankfully I didn't know it was there until we moved the bed this morning so a carpenter could come in and fix a floor board. The space I'm fine with. The simple living I'm fine with. Everything so far I'm fine with...except the bugs.

We walked around the city today and scoped things out. We're only a few blocks from the bay, which we briefly walked to, and even closer to the mall. The mall is huge. It has four floors and everything you could need in it. Well theoretically "need". There are a lot of clothing stores, some of which you wouldn't even see in your normal town mall. The great thing about the mall is that its air conditioned. The weather here....well...it's muggy, it's quite hot. You step outside and begin to sweat. So the mall is great to go to for a little AC. That's about it. It's very crowded and I don't really have a need to buy anything.

Even though it's the first day, I feel like there is so much to write and say and tell. I wish I could accurately describe the city, but it's just so immense. There are people and cars everywhere. Every ten feet there's a new smell. Sometimes I feel like I'm still in the states. Other times I feel like I'm on another planet.

My mind emotionally and physically is a little turned off right now. Part of the issue is that jet lag isn't a myth, it's quite true. The other is that there's so much to see and take in. It all inundates you every time you turn a corner. I haven't really been able to sit back and focus and meditate and think about it all just yet, my mind won't let me. Sometimes I find myself trying to force an experience or discovery about the city already. As if I'm trying to look at something and consciously say how it's different, or why it's different, or somehow be overcome by it, when really I'm just forcing it. I know for now I just need to sit back for awhile, let it all wash over me, and then extrapolate. For right now I need to just be, and then I can tell how life really is.

The one thing I will say that I have definitely noticed is the insane amount of American cultural influence that is present. One of the first sites I saw coming out of the airport was a KFC and there's a huge picture of John Mayer on the front of the mall. All of the movies playing at the mall, save for one, are American imports (including Snakes on a Plane). I've heard so much American pop music already, there are Starbucks everywhere, and the only fast food I haven't really seen are Arby's and Taco Bell.

You would think that makes me feel at home, but it more just upsets me.

I finally found out at lunch today where my placement will be after the two months of orientation here. Apparently Becca had sent our information to the PCUSA group, but because it was at different times as she got the information for each of us, they held it and didn't send it...even when they got it all for all of us. Because she told us at lunch, I don't really remember the specifics of the assignment. I do know I will be living in Cebu, which is the middle part of the country, close to the coast. I'm working with the PCPR. The funny thing is I made a point to remember it by the acronym, but forgot for what it stands. The PR is for "people's response" but I can't think of the PC part (haha, kind of funny). I know the job has to do with a lot of political activism work, which I am very excited about. I can't say what that will entail, but it sounds exciting. I'm living on a compound with a host who is a bishop of the UCCP church. I'm living by myself right next to the office where I will be working. I'll work there during the week and then with the church on the weekends. It's great to know what I'll be doing, but I'm hoping that doesn't get me thinking about it too much and not being here at orientation. I won't even be there for two months.

Well that's that for now. I probably won't be updating as frequently as this past week since I'm sitting in an internet cafe right now, which costs money. But please keep up with me and keep checking back to see if I've splurged and written.

Peace, I hope

A little spare time

Soooooooo, I have about an hour before I have to be somewhere...and for some reason I feel that I have nothing better to do. I could be reading, reflecting, drawing, sleeping, playing, etc. So what I really mean to say is, I'm too lazy to do anything else.

I really don't have much new to say, but it's nice to update regularly while I still get the chance to do so.

So some things I've learned about the Philippines from our site meeting Q&A last night...

The first that stands out is the note on how we will be received. Apparently white skin is considered beautiful there. Where as we Americans value tanning oils and beds, some Filipinos will try to bleach their skin, and those that can't afford the expense creams use actual bleach, which burns. Sadly, they believe the white circles left on their arms are more beautiful than an arm full of color. This means a lot of different things, ranging from being stared at a lot and being touched, etc. to expecting to be "hit on" a lot. That's something I really not used to, so it will be interesting for myself to see how I react to it.

There will be some language learning when we get to the Philippines, but no immersion or extensive lessons like some of the other YAV sites have. We can however, option to take lessons. I'm thinking I would really enjoy to learn Tagalog (ta-GAH-log) (which by the way is one of the two official languages of the Philippines, the other being English, however, English is spoken fluently primarily by those who are able to receive higher education). I realize, however, that Tagolog is specific to the Philippines alone, and outside of living/service/travel there, I won't really be given the opportunity to use it. I think it would mean a lot, however, to be able to better converse with the Filipino people in their language; it would mean a lot more. I've always loved languages (not as if I've ever learned more than one besides English, and not fluently). A little known fact about me is that one of my life goals is to become semi-fluent in French and learn Gaelic and American Sign Language. Sounds strange I'm sure, just an interesting little side note.

When we get to the Philippines on Tuesday, we will be starting a six week cultural immersion program. I don't know too much about it, but I know that we will be immersed into different areas of different social and economic standings. I wish I could remember the language used in reference to this, but alas, that is my best paraphrasing attempt.

On a lighter note, I did discover that CSI shows new episodes in Manila on cable. I'm not planning on being able to watch them constantly, or saying I'm making it a goal (since it does separate me from my task and role there), but it's a nice comfort and I can't lie and say that I'm not a huge CSI fan and that it makes me a little giddy.

Also the Philippines are big into texting. A single text costs around one piso (there are about 55-56 pisos per American dollar). I haven't really figured out if that means international texts as well or if not how much those are, or even if most American phones can receive them without SIM cards (I don't think they can). But on the off chance they can, and on the off chance it's cheap (don't hold your breath) some friends may expect to get strange texts at odd times of the day.

Which reminds me, if you ever want to know what time it is in the Philippines, take the time it is here (if you're on EST) and switch the am to pm and vise-versa. They don't do DST, so sometimes its an hour different, but I don't know if that means now or later, or if you subtract or add an hour, but it's a good reference to have.

And seeing as this is QUITE the random entry...in reference to one of my earlier posts on getting in that last little bit of American culture...some of the other YAVs and myself watched some good ol' Strong Bad e-mail from homestarrunner.com last night. If you understand that reference, it's a nice thought. If not, I would recommend checking it out, but it might confuse you to the point of...um...confusion.

On a more serious note, I'm enjoying the conversations here. We're discussing a lot on "being" rather than "doing" as a model for mission and the "ministry of presence" which I feel very strongly about these days. I really enjoy what an ELCA speaker said the other day on the idea of an "accompaniment" model for mission. Usually we place God on our side of mission, making God a part of our story and placing the other on the opposite side. This follows a general stereotype of missionaries who bring a message that includes Americanized values and customs along with God. For example, taking out a cultures emphasis on dance and song and indigenous musical traditions for our traditional, conservative, "frozen chosen" worship services. The speaker spoke to learning the other's story to go along with yours and finding God in both of them. I think that has to be the most exciting part of my expectations (which are probably mostly wrong): learning and hearing people's stories. We've been talking about our own personal stories here, and I've actually been having a little bit of a time really finding mine. I have pieces and images, but I haven't yet been able to really get a distinctive, fluid picture down of what mine is.

When I find it, I will be sure to write it as a blog. So look forward to it, just maybe not any time soon.

Well this post has turned a little lengthy so I will say goodbye for now, even though there are so many thoughts, feelings, and information bits I could still share.

I wanted to end with something funny and lighthearted here, but I think my imagination's busted (and I hope someone catches that reference).

Peace, I hope

Pressed for time

I'm in Chicago!!!!!

So this is going to have to be quite fast as I have only a short time before I have to be at another event here at orientation. Things are very tightly packed together. There's so much to orient and so little time to do it!

So far there's not much to say. I guess to start out we're staying at the University of Chicago and meeting jointly at McCormick and Lutheran Theological Seminaries at Chicago, a mere three blocks away from our dorm. It's funny to be in college housing since I've just gotten used to the idea of not going back to school (which actually didn't take that long to become accustomed to, oddly enough). We got here on Sunday and had to sit in the airport for SIX HOURS because of a mix up with the buses that were to pick us up. The funny thing was to watch how everyone reacted to it. I was thinking how much I was dreading orientation because at this point I'm quite ready to leave. Being here feels a lot like limbo for me. Then I thought that this is really a reflective time, to be away from what I'm used to, to assess things and get my head straight and really think about how life is going to be like. Case and point, the airport. Time is very relative in the Philippines or so I've been told. You can have an ETD, but could end up waiting around for hours. It won't do any good to complain about it, it won't change anything and will just hurt the situation. So being able to be in the States still, in my comfortable culture, and think about what that situation will be like in the Philippines, without having to be there...well, its a nice thing to be able to do.

I'm really getting close to the other YAVs. Unfortunately, most of them will be going elsewhere, and just like all of my friends at home, I won't be seeing them for quite some time once I leave. However, I have met the other Philippines YAVs and even the Lutheran YAGMs and have started a good friendship with one of them. I feel a lot better have a travel buddy early on. Things should get exciting.

Oh, and mentioning the YAGMs...we happen to be here in community with a Lutheran program that was, as I understand it, modeled after the YAV program. There are three more of them than there are of us. I hate to use that language of us and them, because we have gotten along quite well. We do joke from time to time about "the Lutherans", but it's all in good fun and not meant maliciously. The only thing that has separated us was when we learned they only had to raise 35% of what we have to. Apparently three Lutherans are worth one YAV. I'm joking of course, which you have to be able to do sometimes, otherwise one might actually start to resent the situation.

I'm finding that laughter and lightheartedness have so far been the best remedies to any fears or anxieties that I've been having. In bad situations, arming yourself with a sense of humor is the best defense, at least in my opinion.

Well I must be off to our next event: three hours of story sharing, whatever that entails. We do have a free evening after that, however. We were going to catch a Cubs game, but unfortunately we are poor volunteers and the Phillies are somehow a "prime game".

Alas

Peace, I hope

bye, bye, miss american pie

So I'm a mere two days away from leaving for Chicago and the beginning of orientation. That puts me ten days away from the Philippines.

In preparation, and quite accidentally, I have gotten a nice fill of what I believe is somewhat "American culture". And here's how...

Last week I took a lovely trip to go visit my friend Liz and her family and we went to Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH where her mother's family has a long history of attendance. Let me say first of all that it completely rekindled a long lost love of roller coasters I will not soon forget and should you ever find the opportunity to go, I would highly recommend doing so.

I'm not sure if amusement parks are "American". I'm not sure where the concept was born (I suppose I could make a guess, but I won't). However, going to a place that serves your traditional fair ground foods like cotton candy, funnel cakes, and amazing lemonade seems American enough for me. Regardless, the "festivities" put on at night are quite patriotic.

Now, I'm not a very patriotic person. Not that I don't feel somewhat thankful to be living in a "developed nation" where I am given lots of freedoms and choices that are non-existent elsewhere, but I am not a flag-waving, red white and blue, yankee-doodle gal. The show that Cedar Point puts on every night, however, is quite patriotic. You get to hear the wonderful "Proud to be an American" and join your fellow park goers in a rousing chorus of "God Bless America". Plus there are tons of "fireworks" (I say that because they're a little dinky) and lots of stars and stripes. Normally not my scene (except that I LOVE fireworks). However, I must be honest that there was a weird feeling that came over me during all of this. I think its the idea that it is specifically our culture. It's familiar. The thought of leaving a country where everything specific to it you are accustomed makes hearing things like "God Bless America" have a certain importance. And it did cause me to sing a little of "Proud to be an American"...well that and spiting those next to me. I think I will return to this thought again sometime.

Along with this "America" theme, I have to mention that I have had a strong desire for southern cooking lately. I had an amazing barbecue dinner a few days ago and am drinking all the sweet tea I can get my hands on. I apologize.

As far as preparation beyond that (and more importantly), I think I have just about everything that I need. I am amazingly tired right now, and am fully aware that tomorrow is going to be one of the longest days in quite some time, and yet I can't pull myself away from the computer and make myself go to sleep. My mind is racing. The odd thing is that it is not concentrated on specific thoughts about the Philippines or my trip. It's merely wandering around life and memories and family and friends. That's what I've really been thinking a lot about lately.

Most of my trepidation has been swayed by two amazing conversations in the past week with previous Philippines YAVs: Sarah Tuttle and Jean Brown. They are both two amazing people and make me feel like I am a bruise on the apple that is the Philippine YAV program (I'm kidding of course). I hope that I can live up to the two of them and that my experience can be at least half as amazing and rewarding as theirs were. I am grateful to the both of them for not only quelling my fears, but making me increasingly excited about leaving.

I'm having a mixture of extreme fear and extreme excitement, but I'm beginning to get closer to being calm about it all. I just want to let it happen now and come at me as it will.

I think I'm almost ready.

I hope to make at least one more entry before I leave and hopefully one from Chicago about orientation. After that we'll see. That's all I'm promising for now.

Peace, I hope

a quick note before resting

Just as a funny anecdote for the evening, here's a little something about my day.

I went shopping today with my mother for simple toiletries for, well, next YEAR. I don't know if that's a concept that has really hit me yet. As I remarked to a friend today, that's two semesters and a Montreat, which is quite some time. The other funny thing about that is that some of my regular staples we decided to buy in bulk. Imagine thinking how many tubes of toothpaste you use in a year; or deodorant sticks. It's quite amusing if you allow yourself to laugh at yourself. Oddly enough, my dental hygienist was thinking along the same lines today when she gave me those customary items after a regular teeth cleaning in bulk. Imagine walking out of the dentist's office with a purse-full of toothbrushes, toothpastes, and dental floss...in travel size.

The worries I am having about this plan of action are these: do I really need to buy "my brand" of toiletries here and now in preparation for a whole year. I am certain the Philippines has toothpaste. Granted, it is easier to buy in advanced, and more cost efficient to have your mother pay for it, but why the concern? Admittedly, I already know certain things will not be available, but what is the necessity in having what certainly are luxuries? I'm trying (and encourage you all) to think of the things I regularly use that aren't completely essential to my well-being. What luxuries am I living with in simple hygiene that I could leave out?

Just something to think about as you picture me leaving target with bags full of bulk purchases.

And I think the answer is three for most things...toothpaste, deodorant, etc. And the ADA recommends changing your toothbrush once every three months. Just a tip.

Peace, I hope

I've been thinkin' about this life...

So as it turns out, I'm off to the worst start ever with keeping up with a blog. People warn me against this thing, and yet I'm no good at listening. Truth be told, there haven't really been a lot of updates about my trip, and simply writing about my summer in Montreat, while I'm sure interesting, isn't really pertinent. I guess there's a lot to be said for distraction since I haven't really concentrated on the trip (whether that be good or bad) this summer, and since I have just left Montreat today, I have been inundated and consumed by thoughts about the Philippines.

So I guess this will end up being more about the thoughts I've had today (which have been a lot).

First of all, if anyone reading this ever has to conduct an interview, please don't ask the question, "what do you think will be the most challenging aspect about [whatever you're interviewing about]?" Why? Because first of all it starts the interviewee into thoughts of what could possibly be frightening or scary about said endeavor, and since usually the mind is quite creative when it comes to fears, there are a lot of possible answers. Basically it has the potential to create paranoia. More importantly (and probably a little more honestly) its not a very well asked question. In the case of site placements, you never really know what to expect. I mean, I can't really remember what my actual answer was to that question when I was asked a few months ago. I have thought about it a lot (reference the paranoia conversation a few lines up), but going into a program that is supposed to be very culturally different, how can you really gauge any type of difficulty save for the cliche answers of how "different" things are going to be. Well obviously things will be different. But how? You can't really tell. Ok, I'm not really complaining. Instead I've just turned a set up for what I've found to be my current response to this question into a rant, which was not my intention, nor did I mean to come across that way.

It's just that in thinking about things, I realize that I am traveling from a place that is so close knit that I live, eat, play, and work all day, every day with the same people. Most of the people around me I know and can easily access should the urge strike to be with someone. I realize I've set up a very tough situation in that soon I will be around no one that I know. In fact the exact opposite scenario. I think this has been the most frightening though I've had thus far about my travels. Granted, it's basically answering the previous query in the very cliche manner that I was so against only moments ago, but so be it. Specificity can at least aid in getting away from cliche.

So the next thought I had is probably not going to make much sense, especially in the set up. For the sake of understanding, a brief story. I for some spontaneous and impulsive reason bought a beta fish this summer that I've been keeping in my apartment in a small fish bowl. To get "Conrad" (that's his name if you haven't guessed) home, I had to put him in the little plastic container I bought him in, and balance him on the front console. Well a few miles down the road he tipped over and spilled (well he didn't, I did) the water from the container into the console. So he basically had water in the container only slightly higher that than his "height". But I began to think about the physiology of most fish in that they have no long term memory and their short term memory is very brief (reference Memento or Fifty First Dates). So even though Conrad had hardly any room to swim around in, exploring this area seems new every time. He doesn't feel trapped or contained or anything like that. Now, not to in any way sound like I'm criticizing, but I think this is how most people are and how I most assuredly am. We think by traveling around from city to city or state to state, meeting new people, "experiencing new things" we are broadening our horizons. I think we all suffer from impaired long term memory. We forget that while, granted, everyone is different, we are really not experiencing much of a different world. Highways and interstates all over the United States aren't really that different, we just forget that they aren't. I guess I had this thought because as I drove home today, I went through a new state, and didn't really recognize it as such. But I had the thought, that quite soon, I will be in a place that can't possibly look familiar. The recognizable scenery, billboards, restaurants, gas stations, houses, churches, faces will all soon be strikingly different. I'm kicking myself now for not having taken the opportunity to go someone unrecognizable, legitimately unrecognizable, not just forgottenly, before.

And finally a little funny story about my trip home:

Driving from Montreat to Roanoke, you can choose two routes: go across North Carolina and up through Virginia, or scrape the side of Tennessee. If you ever have to drive between the two, chose Tennessee. Staying in the Blue Ridge Mountains is the smartest choice you can make. However, you may want to chose to know how to take the route before you go. I had a good idea (26 to 81), but since I've only traveled it once, I was a little worried about finding the right exits. So MULTIPLE times (and that's what makes this humorous to me) I stopped in gas stations to make sure I was going the right way. Every time I stopped it was because I was worried I had headed in the wrong direction or missed a turn. EVERY time I did this, I would soon discover that, not only was I heading in the right direction, but had I just waited a half a mile more, I would have seen that for myself. (For example: "Can you tell me how to get to 81?" "Just get back on the interstate and go one more exit) What struck me about that was its pertinence to my life right now. I'm wondering if I'm taking the right path at the right time. I always think in dichotomies, two choices, and absolutes, one answer. Its gotten me into trouble. Should I strike some unforeseen trouble (i.e. not recognizing the road I'm on) I immediately make the assumption that I've chosen the wrong path. The lesson, cheesy and not too spectacular, from my road trip today is one of patience and faith. Had I just waited a mile more, I would have seen that I was exactly where I needed to be. We always want justification in our choices, something to tell us we're doing the right thing. We're not always going to get that however. I especially, need to learn to step back for a moment and concentrate on the destination, not some verification or sign that I'm in the right spot every second of the trip.

So I'm done being off topic. I tend to ramble when I'm exhausted and some vessel of communication is in front of me. I apologize.

So to be brief in where I am right now: Two weeks until Chicago and eight days after that I will be flying from Chicago to LA to Hong Kong to Manila. I've gotten all my shots, my passport, my forms, and my first installment of $2500 raised. I have not, however, packed or done much planning on the part. I also have not received my specific job and site placement, but the second that I do, I will inform this blog and I guess you as well.

Peace, I hope